Mittwoch, 17. Oktober 2012

Never Know

Hello dear reader,
how are you? Hope you´re well.

2 weeks ago the father of my sister in law died. Her kids David and Felizia are so young and they will never meet their grandfather.
I love my sister in law like my real sister, the fact she´s loving my brother with his good and bad, makes me happy and it´s not important what she did before knowing him.

Death is one of our elemental incident in life, but we´ll never adapt to it, when someone close to us are going away forever.
In the year of 2001 my Dad had a strong heart attack, in this moment he lost his health, his job and his house. The good side of it: he flew his first time with a helicopter^^ (they flew immediatly to a special heart hospital). My Dad is a very funny person :) he was already interested in helicopters as a kid.
One day after it happend we visited him in the emergency station, he laid in the corner of the room beside him two much more older inviduals, they already looked like they passed away, it was quiet and it smelled after germicide. 
He slept while we came in, his face was really pale, everywhere machines who surrounded him and everywhere thin tubes on his body. The sight was horrible, my mom was the only one who didn´t tear up, my siblings and I couldn´t resist to sob. He woke up, surely because we wet his bed :). And the first thing he said while he slowly opened his eyes was: "Why are you crying? I´m not dead yet". We laughed and told him how much we loved him. The doctor came in and took my mother to speak with her, minutes passed away, it felt like hours. She came again, bit on her tissue, and fought against her tears. He must have told her something bad, her eyes got red, she couldn´t speak one word, after a short time she stood there like nothing happend, but I knew my mother very well, her appearance was brave but her heart was broken, she squeezed her package of tissue like a lemon. Our time to visit him was over, no one dared to ask her. We went out, my mother at last, she smiled to him like she was saying: "everything will be better" and gave him a kiss on his lips (it was the first time that I saw her kissing him) without a word and without looking back. She closed the door softly and broke down, I think I´d never saw her crying since the death of my grandfather, she told us what the doctor said with a shaky voice: "the aorta has a fracture, they could do an operation but only with 20% chance to survive, or leave it like it is, which would mean a life expectancy of 5 years at most".
We decided for the last option.

10 years passed and I´m very blessed, I hope it will last very long^^. I appriciate every second with him and I've learnt after that, it could always be the last moment with the person you love or like, I take care what I say before I go and kissed and hug the person it could always be the last one. Most get annoyed when I´m doing this cheesy stuff, but in this aspect I´m very selfish because I want to do the best I could to not regret whatever happend.

Since then I also learnt to let go :)
In my opinion it's the most difficult thing to realize as a human being. It starts with tiny things you like, you want to have or you spend time on it. Maybe sometimes it'll become a habit. It can be everything from something you spent a lot of money on, to the person you love or really like. We're focusing on something to fill our inner emptiness. For example a very expensive watch. A watch helps us to organize our time, it doesn't have another function like that. To have a beautiful watch is an extra for your soul, the thought you own something you like or something you get from a special person or a special reason makes you happy. An expensive watch still has the one function, but it's negligible in respect to it's materialistic value. The prominent function now is to make the owner happy or proud to own something so special. Of course some rare people will buy it to admire its inner life and formidable handwork.
But still, if the owner loses it by any chance, the loss will be much greater than usual. Probably even greater than a gift from someone special, as at least the special person still lives on in our life even if the gift is lost, whereas the self bought watch from our example is a really great loss without a substitute.
What do we really need? What do we want?

I´ve never met my grandfathers, but luckily my grandmothers :) (today only one left, see picture) to see the grandparents it´s nice to know where you come and where the roots are from. Hope my future kids are going to meet sometime their grandparents.

piuh so much private stuff :D the next blogpost will be more fun :)
ok I wish you all a wonderful week
lovely greetings


  1. You know, sometimes I ask myself why everybody seem to be some superficial or simple or just stupid (sounds kind of arrogant, I know). But now and then I read something like this post (and others) on your blog, and I'm just happy with my life, it kind of makes me proud to be a human again. Love your blog, keep on writing!

    1. Hi Daphne :) (beautiful name^^)
      thank you for your nice comment, it makes me really happy that you enjoy my blog :D
      Yes, it´s not easy to be the person you want to be :)
      lovely greetings :-*

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